A lot of people have really negative thoughts on Glee, but it’s not something I will ever be ashamed of being a fan of. Maybe the music isn’t the best, and maybe the story lines are cheesy, but it touches on real and heartbreaking situations. More and more shows are being developed to include issues, but not many have touched on as many or as excessively as Glee has. Unlike a lot of television today (reality, or not) Glee showed that being a teenage mother is tough - and not all it’s cracked out to be. It touches on gay rights throughout almost every episode, how natural and okay it is to love someone of the same gender, but also touches on the strife and hardships that there still are. It shows both gays and lesbians, and the boys aren’t only ‘feminine’, there’s also a star athlete who deals with it. There is a girl whos family pushes her away because she loves another. There’s a boy in a wheelchair who gets to do just as much as everyone else. There’s a broken marriage, an interracial couple, two young people in love. There’s a woman with an excessive disorder, students who worry about college, all very real things of many degrees. What really got me tonight was that they touched on the issue of suicide. A lot of shows have done that, but not many give a glimmer of hope. Tonight (and I’m only half way through, maybe this will change) told the story of a boy so broken that he hung himself, of a father who found him just in time, a boy who didn’t die, and both sides of everyone else around him - those who think of suicide as one thing, selfish, and those who understand that their actions could’ve have affected, or even maybe changed the series of events.

There have been times where I thought one of both, when I was younger I thought of it as the most selfish act a human being could do. As I’ve grown up I’ve considered it multiple times, and here’s something no one knows, I’ve actually attempted it. The last time was this past winter. I’m not going to indulge into details, but it was icy and I hoped more then anything in the world that when I ran a red light just as it turned that something would trigger and I’d be done. Most days I’m more than happy to be here, but there are days when I wonder what if - which is silly of course, because if it happened that would’ve been it This past some I was in a house of people I loved, my family and my friends, and a woman I’ve always looked up to, a nurse, calculated exactly how many pills she would need to take to die. After hearing sobs we found her with several pill boxes thrown about, including all of my Moms medication, sobbing and apologizing for not being able to leave in a faster manner. I thank God every day that I’m still here, and that she is still here, and although I know these are things we both dealt with, and will always have to deal with, it makes it easier to know there are others out there. Both others who have been there, and others who care enough to make matters better, or as best as they can.

This jumped around, but I guess what I’m getting at is thank you to the writers of Glee, thank you to those who love me, and a ‘things always get better’ to anyone who may be dealing with anything from above, from as miniscule as doing poorly on a test to as major as considering ending your life.

This is one of those posts where I feel like I will delete it in the morning, but a part of me thinks that maybe I should keep it. Filing this under ‘things you probably should not bring up with me because I will blank and not talk to you about them, most likely’.